THE PORTAL FOR AWAKENING; WHEN NOTHING HAS THE POWER TO INFLUENCE YOU.

Sara de Clercq - 23 June 2021

Matching and mis-matching, combined with attachment and aversion.

This is the formula for human suffering. 

And therefore, paradoxically, one of our greatest potentials, that can set us free. 

I am talking about one of the 60 meta-programs (thinking patterns) that all of us, humans, filter reality through.
The "relationship filter", to do with matching and mis-matching is also known as the "sameness - difference filter".

This filter is an important part of how we perceive, experience and respond to the world.
It influences how we compare information. 

Matching - Sameness

With sameness or matching, we search for what things, situations or people have in common. 

People who tend to match their reality can be very resistant to change, or not notice when something needs to change or when circumstances have changed drastically. They can stay in unhealthy or familiar relationships or jobs, because they know what to expect.

Fear and the need for security usually underpin this pattern, so there is a need to feel safe and comfortable. Some cultures and families do not permit healthy disagreement.

Mis-matching - Difference

With differences or mis-matching, we notice how things are dissimilar.

Do you know someone, who no matter what you say seems to disagree?
When you suggest it is white and they insist it is black? 

Sometimes this is known as a polarity response, which can be frustrating at times, if there is no awareness around what is actually happening and how to deal with it. People who tend to mis-match have learned to look for differences. How things don’t fit in order to find the best approach to a particular situation. 

Both matching and mis-matching  are partial perspectives and in that way, both are partially true.
Looking for things that are either like or not like us, or how we would like or not like them to be.
Looking for sameness or difference in others, in order to fit and belong or to avoid their behaviour, or way of being. 
Looking to agree or disagree.

When you are struggling to accept how things are, within yourself or within others, and let things unfold however it wants to unfold.

Or when you might feel like you always go with the plans of others and don’t seem to have a strong opinion for yourself?
Or you seem to get anxious and fearful when things change or need to change?

When this is happening for you, it simply means you haven’t found flexibility yet, within yourself, to both match and mis-match depending on and in response to what the moment requires. And beyond that, to see that matching and mis-mathcing is actually exactly the same and therefore becomes irrelevant. 

When this thinking pattern is brought into awareness through coaching, clients start to notice the interdependence of both matching and mis-matching.

When there is no flexibility within matching and mis-matching it is often on behalf of attachment or aversion for things going or not going in a particular way. 

This duality, which is really a bind into suffering, is happening for 99% of the humans on this planet at this point in time, on an unconscious level.

This is how most of us, constantly, and for many unconsciously, scan and filter events in the world around us. This is how most of us experience resistance/aversion towards something or attachment/desire for something.

In order for us to want something, there has to be the polar opposite, to not want something.
One cannot exist without the other. 

In this opposition we can find a radical non non-acceptance of how reality is simply happening as it is.

When someone is seemingly mis-matching, it’s simply mentioning another part of the whole. 

There is actually no matching or mis-matching, there is simply viewing.
Different perspectives are being shared from different parts of the whole picture.

A lack of awareness around this is the creation of all conflicts, judgements and arguments.
Because there is no awareness around the fact that both perspectives are true, but partial. 

Transcendental viewing goes beyond polarities.
So that means, It is, and it isn’t, it is both and it is neither. 

Which transcends and includes the oppositions.

What is available here is emptiness.
What is available here is spaciousness, openness, presence and love.

With this comes a true, deep reciprocal relationship with this moment.
Now you are able to move through the world from a place of presence and autonomy. 

This is where nothing has the power to influence you, on behalf of what you want or do not want.
And this is therefore, the portal to freedom, to awakening. 


Links:
Jay Hedley and Joseph Scott, Integral Semantic Facilitation Online Course by The Coaching Room Australia.