PERSONAL MASTERY AND BEYOND

 A dialogue.... What does it looks like to move into, and beyond, personal mastery. To step off the hamster wheel of balancing pressure with relaxation, and glimpse what is available beyond habit development and stress management strategies.

Dan Kurlapski & Marion Giddy - 21 October 2020

Marion:
So we’re talking about... beyond personal mastery.

Dan:
And probably more importantly, with personal mastery and beyond.

Right? And the reason for that, is that would acknowledge the inclusion of personal mastery, as a part of the process. Until, that (personal mastery) even isn't required anymore.

So what do we actually mean by personal mastery?

Marion: 
So the awareness, the capacity and space for awareness in the moment, of what is arising for the person. And the ability then to not be had by thoughts or states or emotions in a moment, but capacity to notice those things as they arise, and also be able to remain present and responsive, to move with volition in the moment, based on what's required, rather than acting from a place distracted by the thought or emotion or feeling that's coming up.


Dan:
And so it's interesting, as you say that, what comes up is a similar thread to what we've been discussing for the last week or two, in the YES& Coaching Circle, around distraction, right - the internal not so useful thoughts, emotions, and states, and then external distractions, right, not being organised externally. Having particular habits that aren't so useful, whether it's picking up your phone to other forms of procrastination to making better use of to do lists, time blocks, technology and reminder. And so whatever the distraction is, it’s often not the distraction itself that is the issue but the part of us, the ‘personal’ set of habits we carry that we allow to be distracted by whatever it may be in our external world.

Dan:
So we can have mastery over both internal and external ‘personal’ patterns, right. Often when personal mastery, or self mastery is being spoken to, it is spoken to, in a sense of ‘Cool, well, how do you master your habits that are really playing out and super visible out there in the external world such as, you know, time blocking, using a calendar, being organised having reminders, not being distracted, not procrastinating, good use of time, and so on. And that's often what's spoken to with personal mastery.

And that would fall under the external category, and then the internal category being around managing thoughts, states and emotions. 

Dan:
And so, how has that played out for you? 

Marion: 
Yeah, absolutely. And it's a little like the layers of an onion. You know, maybe we start on the outside and get the house in order.

And yeah, starting on the outside and sorting out some of the cleaning up in the external space and in being less distracted by the external things, we can then reveal and notice more layers of growth that are available.


Dan:
Yeah, and notice more layers of growth that are available and simultaneously notice more layers of distractions. 

The not so useful habits that are currently sitting there, for us to be able to go into the process of the work and the practice, that allows us to start to clear and ‘peel’ those layers. Similar to the blog and post you've recently written where it’s not so much about getting somewhere and getting something to develop ourselves into being something, but rather, we are at the core of the onion. Right? 

And, to have greater access to that, we simply need to clear, to do the practice and the work to clear the layers that are there. And so the outer layers are the external, the external versions of personal mastery. 

And then as we clear, there's a transition that happens to, ‘Right, Well, all of that out there is so organised and whilst there will always be shifts and changes in scheduling, and calendar and whatever else, to organise one’s external world to some degree of 75 or 85%, if I were to throw a percentage out there, to then, like you said, allow us the space to see the layers internally, and then clear those. To allow us the space for the inner work, for internal personal mastery.

And, maybe that's where we start to lean into the gateway of going beyond personal mastery.

Okay, before we move into that, let's touch on the world of the internal, now that we've categorised it as Internal personal mastery and what clearing/mastering those layers means.

Also, what's coming up here is there's, there's a bit of a process (before going ‘beyond personal mastery’) of identifying the layers internally that are not so useful for me. And being mindful that to completely rip out a layer that has served as a shield or construct for some time  and not replace it with anything at this point in time could leave us a little raw. And so the intention is to replace it with a more useful layer, as a way of adapting to no longer needing the previous layer, shield or construct. My coach would put it as being similar to being 5 year of age and waking up the next morning as a teenager - an adaptation process is required and the time required for this process is different for everyone.

Marion:
Coming back to distraction, it's like that internal layer, there’s a sense of acceptance and readiness to go - ‘Okay, I'm no longer going to just allow myself to be distracted from looking at what is available to be worked on, there's a level of like, ‘Okay, an acceptance of this state that's arising in the moment, it is not something I'm going to sweep under the rug anymore’. 

And there can be an opening up to ‘Okay, well, if this is the state or the experience, the thought, the particular habit that is being experienced, then leaning into that to go, ‘Okay, if I'm accepting that there is this procrastination, or this feeling of anxiety or stress and overwhelm and pressure, I’m no longer going to continue to distract myself from that. ‘We're going to have a little bit of a look at that and actually open up to it … not moving away from it so to play with the other end of it. Not continuing to hide it or polish it and pretend that it's not happening.

Dan:
Hmm, and so two very important parts of the journey come up there. Firstly, the sweeping under the rug of the distractions is what simply adds more layers.  

And so rather than sweeping under the rug, we can come into an open space of acceptance and being with that distraction, as the force that it is upon us at that point in time. It has a force on us, right? 

If it means that we are now paying attention to that, rather than something that would be more useful to pay our attention to, then it's a force that has the capacity to shift our attention. 

And so if we don't sweep under the rug and come into acceptance; Step one, and then move into Step two, which is being with it, to allow ourselves to clear it, as a force upon us. It may arise momentarily, but maybe not for as long as it used to. 

Right? ...and not to the magnitude that it used to, until, it simply doesn't (arise as a force upon us) anymore. 

And then, this entire process, which we can place onto a spectrum rather than a flick of the light switch, on and off, right, and at that point, that's where we start to really open up the door, to let some of the light in, of going beyond the personal, going beyond the constructed set of habits. 

And it's the persona(L), that is the part of us that is being affected or had by things, that is the part of us that can be ‘triggered’. Why? Because it’s in that space of our construct (ego) where we may be over-valuing some of our values and holding on to them too tightly as you tend to put it. And if we do that, and someone says something, or behaves in a way that even at an unconscious level, is challenging this value that we may hold, if it's held too tightly by the persona, the identity, the layers, then we're being dragged by it, as that value gets whacked by the challenge. 

So yeah, opening the door up to going beyond personal mastery. 

And so what's beyond personal mastery? What have you started to glimpse, or view or experience in that space as you’ve done the work of peeling the layers off?

Marion:
It's a little like, when we're in the zone of playing or experiencing this state, and changing between anxious to calm or stressed to focused and, and playing in the realm of becoming more resourceful over the states and the way that we're experiencing our reality, our external situation, it's a little like a seesaw in that it starts off finding a bit of a balance, trying to find a balance point, ‘oh, I'm feeling a little bit stressed versus a little bit more calm. And it's sort of playing in that zone of that roller coaster of going back and forth between the different states. 

And for me, the idea of beyond personal mastery is kind of stepping off the seesaw in order to be able to notice it, and not be on the ride anymore, maybe to notice it as, as an object in front of us to have me be able to say that that seesaw exists here, but I'm not on it anymore. It’s swinging back and forth, but it's not taking me for the ride while it happens. Not being had by it.

Dan:
Yes of course, being on a ride!  What capacity do we have to change the course of the ride if we're on it versus being able to perceive it with a broader perspective, the dips and turns that it's taking? And so to then be able to more positively influence it in that sense? 

Yeah, definitely. And so I think that's an important point, that the (internal) topsy turvy, that doesn't disappear, at least not initially. It may still be happening. It's just where you're viewing the topsy turvy, the see saw, from.   

And in seeing it more clearly, what to do next?

The most useful thing to do next (in any situation, in life work, business) becomes so much more obvious with the clarity that comes with seeing it more clearly; what the person and situation is saying to us.

With the layers and lenses of distraction of our external and internal world peeled back, we now have more space, true freedom and more contact with actual reality, meaning for a more real relationship with life and those around us.


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