RESISTANCE, GROWTH AND RELATING WITH OUR COMFORT ZONE
Marion Giddy - 18 November 2020
People often state that growth lies outside the comfort zone as an encouragement to move beyond the known. As this idea is presented, commonly the reaction to growth might then be from a place of uncertainty, as one is unclear whether their own self expectations could be met in this ‘unknown’ zone of unfamiliar territory.
Recently with my Father in the ICU after a spinal injury, there has been space to reassess, reprioritise, and notice my own relationship with boundaries, priorities and expectations, whilst simultaneously observing my father experience struggle, challenge and growth.
During this time the way we, as individuals, relate to the concept of growth, comfort zones and self-expectation has been an aspect of inquiry, so come on a journey as I explore this direction...
Experiences in our lives can be seen as opportunities.
As we relate to these experiences, we can either resist, dig in, and reinforce our habituated ways of operating, or exhale a big breath out.. lean in, and move forward. Stepping into acceptance and flexibility, and then as the way becomes clearer, growth and transformation.
Like our lungs, and like the tides, as does nature, we also have two directions, towards and away, embracing and releasing, expansion and contraction.
This has been noticed with my father and I; simultaneously, as two people relating to different sides of one experience. My Dad is expanding into new territory, the unfamiliar, the unknown of his healing journey, and I’m refocusing, narrowing in, releasing all that’s unnecessary, including my expectations of the situation, and on myself.
As a principle, without resistance there can be no growth, as there is nothing to transcend. To transcend, we must expand - reaching up, stretching out, opening into new spaces, stepping off the platform of the moment. Growth is creative, unfamiliar. It lies beyond the realm of expectations, which can exist in relation to known comparison points.
In this same vein, noticing & letting go of my own expectations, has provided ground to explore and release any grasping of self judgement, as this judgement can also only exist in the presence of an expectation to which, the situation is compared.
And so, within all of this, my formula for flow recently, has been to notice the movement between the two ways of being, in response to what each dynamic day brings;
predict, expect & compare vs accept, discern & create
If I have a sense that I, or the day, meets my expectations, or fails to, then I know at that moment I cannot be in creative acceptance, as I’m in the zone of comparing to things that are already held in mind.
Expectations are predictions based on previous patterns of behaviour and prior experiences. Judgement then is the method for weighing up whether what is, matches up to this standard.
This space of creative acceptance, flow, or non-resistance, is naturally more dis-orientating, as we move beyond the familiar comparison points through which we would typically relate.
Life moments then offer a series of moments for expansion and releasing. Expansion, where the zone of relating increases - and we find ourselves with new situations, experiences and depths of emotion to navigate. And release, where with our discernment we redraw our boundaries, cut away what is no longer required, and thereby take clear movement in the alternate direction. The ebb, and the flow, of relating to life situations, both inner and outer.
Stepping into the unknown involves an expression of true creativity, as Sara spoke to in a recent post, to birth new things from a place of silent fullness.
From this place of acceptance there are no longer comparison points, as we move with the creative life energy that is available in that moment. As we discern & let go of the distractions can we be fully available to the moment, and then from a place of inner quietness, recognise the direction that is available to move within.
Life is infinite
In us, through us, within each moment.
Let’s literally, go with the flow.
Are you as curious about these juicy topics as we are?
Click here for YES&’s Digital Event | 2020 Edition - Honouring Chaos and Possibility. Through a collective dialogue, using an Integral framework, we will be honouring our recent challenges and lessons and navigating whatever is next, with openness, spontaneity and resilience.